Posted by: alliehope | February 24, 2008

Writers’ Blocked, revisited

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote on the process of writing and what I was learning about it. I have since realized something profound: that the way of surrender I mentioned in that post is the way of the heart, and it is from that surrender that real creativity emerges.

If this sounds paradoxical, it is. It taps into the greatest paradox of the Christian faith: that through death, I am reborn to life. (Hint: read John 12, specifically John 12:24-25). This paradox is also the linchpin of real transformation. It involves a conscious recognition that the way I’m living isn’t working, and I need to change it. I need to let go of my false illusions that I know what’s best, and admit that living on my own terms has failed.

It means, after I have admitted those things, admitting that I don’t know which way is up, and have been hiding from the truth. Then, it takes coming out of that hiding, and looking at what is already within: that beneath all the games and b.s. is a woman of greatness and power, one who is all too content to hide in the comfortable clothing of mediocrity, instead of wearing the gorgeous garments of her native glory.

I don’t believe that the last sentence I wrote about native glory in any way conflicts with all I’ve written about death to self. In fact, I believe that living from one’s native glory is the fulfillment of the death to self that surrender is. It involves constant communion with God, confession of sin, and willingness to trust His image within me. I firmly believe that He has given me all I need to know to become the person He meant when He meant me.

That isn’t easy, though. I don’t want to make it sound like it is. It’s the narrow road to life, and very few find it. I think, ironically enough, that the faith I hold to has been part of the problem on this. It has taught that death to self means that even whatever good *might* (at least in the Church’s perception) be there is so tainted by sin, so corrupted by evil that there is no good to be found anywhere in one’s life.

That’s a bunch of crap. Period. The story of the soul doesn’t begin with the fall in Genesis 3; it starts in Genesis 1, where we were pronounced “very good” by God Himself. Over and over in the Bible, He calls us His beloved, affirming our goodness as His creation. As I have grasped that truth, it has set me free, giving me the precious knowledge that I am loved in ways I will never truly understand.

It is this love that makes surrender that much sweeter. It is release into God’s sustaining hand and His merciful heart. It is there that I meet the person God meant when He meant me, and am enabled to become that person. In the intimacy of prayer, I find that trusting becomes easier, and obedience that much more of a joy, knowing that I am slowly (sometimes, much like snow melts, really slowly) becoming more like Jesus. My journey is unfinished, and I don’t know what tomorrow will hold. But I do know one thing tonight: that whatever it holds is for my good, as I live more deeply into the beautiful mystery of surrender.

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