Posted by: alliehope | March 22, 2008

Holy Saturday

Snow like a shroud covers the ground outside my window, the white-clad earth faintly reminiscent of Jesus’ body, wrapped in linens and placed in the tomb. It is silent outside, and overcast. Nothing stirs-even the slight movement of bare branches in the wind seems stilled. It is as though the earth itself remembers His sacrifice, and awaits His resurrection.

I look inside my heart, and I see the same darkness, the same silence where there should be light and the sound of joyous praise. I am consumed by the darkness of narcisssism, doubt, cruelty, cynicism, and too many questions for my own good. I have lost my way; even though I have waited patiently for the Lord in the past, I am now impatient with Him, searching out His plans for my life in the wrong ways, stumbling into sin, instead of quietly drawing near to Him in prayer and study of His Word.

All these things I know, but I also know something else: the reward of patient perseverance. I know that when I have waited and walked with God, even in the driest times, when merely to pray felt like eating dust, He never left me alone. Even when I couldn’t see Him, I knew He was standing beside me, tenderly caring for my soul, providing my every need.

And so, on this Holy Saturday, I pray for the grace to wait, to become still inside, and let the Holy Spirit search me. As He does, He will illumine the darkness within me, and show me where the leaven of sin still remains. Then He will help me cleanse it away, purifying my heart and life for the fulfillment of God’s plans for me.

Darkness to you is light
But try, try as i might
i fail to understand
the life you created by your hand

you see the turmoil within
the places of my soul soiled by sin
and i wonder, would you turn away
not hear my cry, the desperation i pray

i stand at the edge of new life
a departure from the past of pain and strife
trembling on this holy ground
afraid to move, startled by the sound

of hope whispering into my heart
that all i have to do is simply start
walking toward the light i see
and direction will come to me

as i walk on in the strength of grace
even though i cannot see your holy face
i will yet wait and somehow find you there
you waited for me, and heard my prayer

This is the cry of my heart this Holy Saturday. I know He is making all things new, that life lies beneath the snow, waiting the light and warmth of the sun. In the same way, Life eternal, crashing into my quotidian moments, lies within me, anticipating its springtime to release its power, to reshape and rebirth me yet again. Though the waiting is the hard part, I know I will yet see my Redeemer, and praise Him for the work He has accomplished in me.

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