Posted by: alliehope | August 1, 2008

This One Got Me (Warning: not for the faint of heart!)

I’ll be writing more about this in the coming days, particularly after I’ve had more time to digest it. It’s safe to say at this point that this was an energy drink for my soul, waking me up out of its complacency, and out of its sense of entitlement. The story this tells is one that deeply convicted me (you’ll have to read the link; I don’t want to give away many of the details).

The question I’m now wrestling with is, Why do I, as a Christian, knowing what I know, allow this world’s opinions and values to influence me as heavily as I do? Is it really true that beneath my sarcasm about designer clothes and big houses, that I’m really just envious of the trappings of prosperity and all that jealousy is merely wrapped in sanctimonious crap? Invariably, that’s part of it. Beneath the carefully-matched makeup on my face, I’m green with envy over others who seem to have “made it”.

But that can’t be all of it. I’m convinced it’s not all of it. The other part of it is an attempt to be grateful for what I have, something that isn’t easy when I’m consumed with envy. The thing that helps me is to see the glass as already broken. This is a Buddhist idea that is a needed correction, since what it teaches is that things are impermanent, particularly material things. The writer of Ecclesiastes said essentially the same thing.

So then, I have a choice: to let the things of this world, in all their impermanence, influence me, or not. The Todd Agnew song (I’ve forgotten the title) about Jesus and what following Him looks like always convicts me, especially his line, “If Ephesians says to imitate Christ, why do you look so much like the world?” Man…. Why do I look so much like the world I claim to hate so much, and why am I so envious?

Maybe the problem, at its core, is that I’m chasing the wrong wild goose. I’m living vicariously through others, yet at the same time judging them for the choices they’re making. WTF gives with that? Yep, I am chasing the wrong wild goose. Despite all the issues wrapped up in this, the final analysis indicates that
this isn’t a hopeless situation. I know that Christ can and will set me free from this vicious cycle of jealousy and denial, if I will trust Him to show me what’s going on, and through it, will lead me closer to Himself, the true Source of satisfaction.

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Responses

  1. I can relate to you as ypu talk of posessions, but you must always remember that possesions are replaceable but God isn’t


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